Voices
form abortions. And dog groomers
can aid assisted suicides by Skype.
California was the first state to
legalize medical marijuana, our
minimum wage is almost three
dollars higher than the national
rate, and in 10 years a third of our
electricity will come from renewable energy and 15 percent of our
cars will be electric.
And while Republicans in the
rest of the country are threatening to deport every immigrant not
named Ted Cruz, California just
OK’d driver’s licenses for undocumented aliens. That’s right, we’re
letting them drive cars — just like
white people! You Red Staters
may ask, “How come they’re lettin’ Meskins drive?” Well, it’s
because they have to get to their
jobs. You see, here in California we’re embracing the modern
world — we can’t be worrying
about all the nonsense that keeps
Fox News viewers up at night
when they should be in bed adjusting their sleep apnea mask.
Our state motto is, “We’re Too
Busy for Your Bullshit.”
The bottom line is that we
are moving the country’s largest
economy into a place where we
can all be health-insured, clean
air-breathin’, gay-married, immi-
BILL
MAHER
HUFFINGTON
10.13.13
grant-friendly citizens who don’t
get shot all the time. And my message to the rest of America is: do
not resist. Kneel before Zod! California has been setting the trends
in America for decades, from
Silicon Valley to silicone tits, and
it’s not going to stop now. We say
jump — you say, “Please sell me
new exercise clothes for jumping.”
We said put cilantro in food, and
dammit, you did, you put cilantro
California has been
setting the trends in America
for decades, from Silicon
Valley to silicone tits, and
it’s not going to stop now.”
in food, even though neither one
of us knows what it is. Almond
milk? We just had some extra
almonds and thought we’d fuck
with you. The enormous earlobe
hole? You’re welcome. We also
invented the genius bar, where
the kid with the enormous earlobe
hole takes your MacBook in the
back and fills it with animal pornography.
Bill Maher is the host of HBO’s
Real Time with Bill Maher.