LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS AND MASTURBATION
the past five years, agrees. He said
this language could also be useful
in a broader context.
“We as a society are very inarticulate about the quality and
quantity of attraction. We have a
very homogenizing, uniform language in which we talk about attraction and love,” said Carrigan,
who recently published a number
of articles about asexuality in the
journal Psychology and Sexuality. “This distinction made in the
asexual community between sexual
and romantic attraction just blew
my mind when I heard about it. It’s
a conceptually rich language that
could be very valuable to even people who are not asexual.”
Still, even with this powerful
vocabulary, aces say navigating
the world of relationships has not
been made much easier.
Though some asexuals, like
Gwendolyn, have managed to forge
successful, healthy and lasting
partnerships with sexual people,
these relationships appear to be
the exception, not the rule.
Many aces who have romantic
inclinations say they would be
open to finding romantic partners;
some say they would even like to
get married. But the idea of being in a relationship with a sexual
person is often daunting and,
some say, impossible.
“Relationships are the biggest
hurdle in my life,” said Brittainy
Jones, a 21-year-old recent graduate who lives in Austin, Tx. “I
can’t just tell them that I’m asexual, I’m demisexual. It can make
dating very, very difficult.”
While most aces say that dating a sexual person is perhaps
plausible (“communication, communication, communication,” was
the mantra recited by several aces
who have pursued relationships
with sexual people in the past),
many say that a relationship with
another asexual is the most appealing option.
“Finding an asexual partner
would be ideal. We could have
a great life together, but I’m not
expecting that to happen anytime
soon,” said Luke Bovard, a heteroromantic asexual who has dated
sexual women in the past, shrugging his shoulders in resignation.
ISAAC & KATIE
Isaac Paavola and Katie Mathias
look like any other young couple
in love. Fresh-faced and brighteyed, they sit just a little too close
to each other on the sofa, all giggles and stolen glances.
But the pair, both 20, are a rare
sort of couple. Both asexual, they
represent the very small percent-
HUFFINGTON
08.25.13