LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS AND MASTURBATION
masturbate to non-human images.
One woman Brotto studied said she
masturbates to mythical fairies.
Still, though most aces neither
want nor fantasize about sex
with other people, that doesn’t
always mean they are opposed to
intimacy of a different variety: Romance is very much alive in the
asexual community.
Aces say that asexuality, just
like sexuality, exists on a spectrum. Most asexuals, when asked,
will identify two orientations: a
sexual one and a romantic one.
For example, while some aces
identify themselves as both aromantic and asexual (meaning they
generally do not feel romantic or
sexual attraction toward other
people), others say they do have
the capacity to feel romantically
toward others.
“[The ace lifestyle] allows you
to see how sex and romance can
be decoupled,” said Anthony Bogaert, a professor at Canada’s
Brock University and an authority on asexual research. “It allows
you to see that when we automatically couple up romance and
sex, as if they’re naturally together, that’s not true.”
Mark McClemont, who identifies as a homoromantic asexual,
HUFFINGTON
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explains how romance and sex are
delineated in his mind.
“I find men aesthetically attractive and emotionally alluring. I’m
capable of having strong emotional
feelings, and I’m also capable of
falling in love, but sex and love for
me are completely separate,” the
49-year-old said. “I enjoy physical
contact, and I don’t find sex offensive. I just don’t want to interfere
with someone else’s bits and pieces
or have them interfere with mine.”
There are also members of the
“When you talk about
masturbation, you may think
of it as a sexual activity, but
actually masturbation is not
inherently sexual.”
ace community who identify as demisexual or Gray-A, which are identities that sit along the spectrum
between sexuality and asexuality.
Demisexuals, explained Gwendolyn M., a 25-year-old designer who
lives in Honolulu, are people who
do not experience sexual attraction
toward others unless and until they
forge a very strong emotional — and
usually romantic — connection.
Gwendolyn, who identifies as a
panromantic demisexual, has been