Voices
was intended to be in the first
place, pretty much requires that
they now provide a steady supply
of hookers and blow. Don’t make
your friends set up a kids’ room,
and definitely don’t make them
buy hookers and blow.
5. ‘MY LIFE DIDN’T HAVE MEANING
BEFORE I HAD KIDS!’
Another way to say this: My
life was meaningless before I had
kids. Another way: Life without
kids is meaningless.
Look, I know this feeling. Sometimes it feels like all the worries
I had before my kids were trivial.
I understand the urge to convey
that feeling into words. Don’t do
it. Your life may have a different
purpose now, but your pre-kid
life was an important part of your
story, and your non-kid-having
friends are a part of that. Don’t
dismiss that part of your life the
way most people skip the foreword
to a novel they really want to read.
By dismissing the “before” as just
a buildup to your kids, you are not
only dismissing your friends, but
you’re also implying that their story has not started yet.
Lastly, if you have done or said
any of these things, you don’t
need to apologize. Just stop say-
JOHN
KINNEAR
HUFFINGTON
07.28.13
ing them. Apologizing will make
it worse. I apologized for one of
these things, and it came out
poorly. It basically sounded like
“Oh, you poor, delicate, non-kidhaving flower. I am sorry that I
was so consumed in my awesome
parenting that I was neglectful
and dismissive of our friendship.
Please forgive me.”
There was no forgiveness needed. I hadn’t harmed anyone, I’d
Unless you and your
friend have some previous
communication on this topic
about how your little one is
always welcome, assume the
party is not kid-friendly.”
just annoyed them. Forgiving me
would have been like forgiving a fly
for landing on you. So, I promise to
try and be more aware of how I say
things, a better friend and less of a
fly. And by less of a fly, I mean that
I will not land on you, vomit on
you and then try to eat you. College is over. I don’t do that
stuff anymore.
John Kinnear is the author of
AskYourDadBlog.com.