Voices
1. ‘DOGS ARE NOT KIDS.’
It usually goes like this. “Ugh. You
know what really bugs me? When
so-and-so compares her dog to my
kid. Or when so-and-so refers to his
or her dog as his or her kid. Dogs
are not kids! She has NO IDEA!”
You know what? Unless “soand-so” needs professional help,
I guarantee “so-and-so” knows
that her dog is not a human child.
She also knows that having a dog
is nothing like having a kid. What
she’s really saying is “Oh! Yes.
I also have something in my life
that poops AND brings me joy.”
She is trying to relate to you
and be a part of your life — the life
where all you do is talk about your
kids. I know that it’s hard to relate when you have kids and your
friends don’t. What were once
close relationships can become
sporadic meet-ups where you do
your best to try and catch up with
someone with whom you have very
little in common anymore. Sure,
you two were best buds in college,
but now you have very different
lives. So, when “so-and-so” offhandedly, and perhaps awkwardly,
tries to relate to your story about
picking poo out of your bangs by
comparing it to scraping dog shit
out of the carpet, cut her some
JOHN
KINNEAR
HUFFINGTON
07.28.13
slack. She’s just trying to be nice.
And she misses you.
2. ‘YOU THINK YOU’RE [INSERT ANYTHING HERE]? TRY HAVING KIDS!’
Tired, stressed, in pain, covered
in urine, it doesn’t matter. They
all apply. Too often, we parents
downplay non-parents’ concerns
by pulling ours out and tossing
them on the table. “Oh man! You
worked 50 hours this week? Try
I guarantee ‘so-and-so’
knows that her dog is not a
human child ... What she’s
really saying is ‘Oh! Yes. I also
have something in my life that
poops AND brings me joy.’”
doing that with kids!” “Oh man,
you think your feet hurt from
working outside all day! I’ve been
chasing my toddler blah blah blah
punch me in the face, please.”
It’s not a competition. If, on
a scale of 1 to Passing Out Awkwardly in the Shower and Waking Up When the Hot Water Runs
Out, your friend is at a 7, and three
weeks i nto your first newborn you
were at a 9, that DOESN’T MAKE
YOUR FRIEND ANY LESS TIRED.