Voices
HUFFINGTON
06.23.13
AMY
WRUBLE
29. I fantasize about taping
up the sides of my face. Try
it with your fingers — it takes
10 years off instantly.
30. Cripes, my back.
31. Touching my toes is
not a guarantee.
32. Forget 50 Shades of
Grey — my nightstand is full
of wrinkle cream and Bengay.
The apothecary is open!
33. I even have one of
those days-of-the-week
vitamin boxes.
34. If I buy a turtle it might
outlive me.
20. Other than the
Kardashians, I don’t
recognize anyone in the
tabloids. Who are these
people, and why are
they famous?
SHUTTERSTOCK / GERALD A. DEBOER
21. Ages 31-39 are a total
blur. I’m scared I’ll blink and
be 200.
22. All of sudden my tight
mini-skirts make me look like
I’m trying too hard. Hey sluts,
incoming at Goodwill!
23. Uhhh, my back.
24. The Real Housewives
and I are, like, the same age.
Where’s my butler?
If I buy
a turtle it might
outlive me.”
25. It’s occurring to me that
I might not ever visit every
single beach on the planet,
and I’m actually okay with
that, which feels weird.
26. When I flirt with the
cable guy, I don’t get extra
channels for free anymore.
35. The bad habits I still
have are probably here
to stay.
36. I say things like, “What’s
the name of that actor, you
know, he was in that thing?”
37. I get a hangover from
looking at liquor.
38. The next milestone
birthday is 50.
39. Did I mention my
reading glasses?
27. I still think 21-year-old
guys are hot. And they’re
like, “Mom?”
40. One word:
“Ma’am.”
28. Why didn’t I take
naked pictures of myself
when I was 30?
Amy Wruble runs the
blog Carriage Before
Marriage.