Voices
AMY
WRUBLE
HUFFINGTON
06.23.13
Here are 40 other effed up
things about being 40:
1. Other than Teen Mom,
I have no clue what’s
on MTV.
2. When people say “middleaged,” they might mean me.
3. I can’t wear sequins or
I’ll look like a cougar.
4. I’m more likely to forget
to have sex than to forget
to floss.
5. If I eat chocolate chip
pancakes for breakfast, I’ve
gained a size by dinnertime.
6. Even if I finally get a full
night’s sleep, I still look like I
was up all night. But not up all
night doing something cool.
7. At the doctor’s office, I
bypass Cosmopolitan
and reach for Redbook.
I’ll even read Family Circle.
There are some great recipes
in there.
GETTY IMAGES/SCIENCE PHOTO LIBRARY RF
8. I’m probably never going
to be a Solid Gold Dancer.
9. Going out without makeup
is seeming more and more
like an aggressive act.
10. The “me” in my head
is like the foxy little sister of
the “me” in the mirror.
Oooh,
my back.”
14. Most days, I choose
comfort over style. I’m
a traitor to my stilettos.
11. Any girl can look cute like
Rachel on Friends in her 20s.
Only Jen Aniston looks cute like
Rachel on Friends in her 40s.
15. All the tanning I did in
college is showing up now
as brown blotches. Get a
Sharpie and you could draw a
cow on my chest.
12. If I strolled across a
college campus, people
would assume teacher,
not student. (Upside:
instant Ph.D!)
13. I’m old enough to
drink, vote, rent a car and
be elected to the highest
office in the land. All that’s
left on my age bucket list
is admission to the AARP.
Thanks, I’ll wait.
16. The Psychedelic Furs,
Duran Duran and The Cure
are now considered oldies.
17. Everything I wore in high
school has been appropriated
ironically by hipsters.
18. Only a fortysomething is
old enough to remember the
TV show, Thirtysomething.
More irony.
19. Oooh, my back.