Voices
selfless, even if we don’t find ourselves in Italy or India.
Older women are “the most dangerous on the planet,” Jane Fonda
says. “We have nothing to lose!”
That doesn’t mean we’re all filing
for divorce. There are many women
who live in loveless and sexless
marriages for a variety of reasons
(as do men, although at least some
50-something men left their marriage because they “fell out of love”
or realized they had “different values or lifestyles,” according to an
AARP study). As Pamela Haag discovered while researching for her
book Marriage Confidential, “33
percent of respondents agreed that
‘even if you’re unhappy, you should
stick it out for the children.’ That’s
up from 20 percent in a 1970 survey.” And as Pamela Paul detailed
in a New York Times piece called
“The Un-divorced,” many couples
live together but have separate
lives. So much for being married
happily ever after.
But since two-thirds of all divorces are initiated by women
and many women tend to do well
after divorce, I have to wonder
— are middle-aged women done
with men?
For some, yes. There are many
who put aside their needs, includ-
VICKI
LARSON
HUFFINGTON
01.20.13
ing sexual, to focus on their kids.
There are also many women who
prefer the company of girlfriends
to men, throw themselves into
their career and travel, and relish their freedom. There are also
many women who want to find
love again but give up — frustrated, unhappy or uncomfortable with the
50-plus dating scene.
At
And then there are
midlife, we’re
older women who
dealing with
are happily dating or
menopause,
in relationships. Acthe loss
cording to that same
of our role
AARP study, most
divorced women in
as nurturer,
midlife do find somethe loss of
one new — 75 perour youth
cent of women in
and beauty.”
their 50s reported
enjoying serious, exclusive relationships after their
divorces, often within two years,
compared with 81 percent of men
in their 50s (although more older
men tend to marry again than
older women).
All of which would indicate
that, no, women in their 50s and
beyond are most certainly not
done with men.
We just may be done
with marriage.