Huffington Magazine Issue 17 | Page 47

HUFFINGTON 10.07.12 MIRACLE BABIES I was going to push [the embryos] out. I was crazy. We lived in an old house, and I went to open the windows and used my abdominal muscles. I was like, ‘Oh my gosh! I strained when I did that!’” Harder still was trying to keep herself from seeing everything as a sign of pregnancy. “You start having the, ‘Oh, am I going to the bathroom a little more? Are my breasts starting to ache?’” During Tracy’s second IVF cycle, the answers to those leading questions became “yes.” She was pregnant. Then three days later, her hormone levels dropped and it became clear it was only a chemical pregnancy. Altogether, Tracy underwent three cycles of IVF before she and her husband decided to adopt a child through foster care, and soon took in a 3½-year-old girl. Four months after the adoption was finalized, Tracy discovered she was pregnant with a girl. Just over a year later, she was pregnant again, this time with a boy. “I wasn’t adopting, thinking, ‘If I adopt, I’ll get pregnant,’” Tracy said, acknowledging that she followed the exact pattern people told her she would. None of her doctors ever gave “AFTER YOU HAVE YOUR BABY, YOUR OB IS GOING TO TELL YOU TO USE BIRTH CONTROL.” her an explanation for her infertility, nor did they give her a reason why she was able to have children after failing with IVF and adopting. The lack of clear answers can make it extremely difficult for women to know what to make of their bodies throughout the infertility process, particularly when, after years of pipe dreams and treatments, they suddenly have a baby on their own. Should they feel betrayed? Elated? Can they muster any sense of trust in their own reproductive systems? Kari Harris, 29, took ovulation drugs for three years and had multiple IUIs — having her husband’s sperm injected into her uterus — as well as two miscarriages before she