How to Coach Yourself and Others Techniques For Coaching | Page 81

whether they might leave, and to ask whether and how you might
change your relationship with them.
Naming problems
If something is holding you back, you can seek to find a name or
other means of referring to the problem, a means that makes it separate
from you. Sometimes just putting a ‘the’ in front of it will work, e.g.
‘The Perfectionism’ or ‘The Block’. There are no right answers here.
The point of the technique is to find a name that means something to
you. And if your first couple of tries for a name don’t feel right, you
can always try others.
Names people have shared with me for problems that have interfered
with achieving their goals in a sustainable way include: ‘The Critic’,
‘Perfecto Man’, ‘The Pressure Cooker’, ‘The Boulder’ and so on. Having a
name for your particular problem, one that means something to you,
helps create the separation between you and the problem. For some
people, the business of naming a problem can seem daft. And for very
many people naming a problem can be both fun and a helpful first step
in loosening its grip.
Finding out more about a problem
Once you have a name for your problem – and even if you do not –
you can find out more about it. How does it like to operate? When is
it most active? Does it have a gender? Does it have a colour and a
shape?
When is the problem in charge and when are you in charge? What
aspirations does the problem have for you in the short and in the long
term? What do you like about it and what do you dislike?
What positive intentions does the problem have (even if, overall, it does
not play a positive role for you)? What consequences does the
problem tend to bring about?

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