How to Coach Yourself and Others Influencing, Inter Personal and Leadership Skills | Page 88

The good news is that it is possible to shift from a mindset of seeing people who resist
you as adversaries to a mindset of seeing them as potential allies.
The Rules of Alliance
There are four basic rules for interacting with people as your allies:
1.
2.
3.
4.

Assume that mutual respect exists.
Trust the other person, and be someone whom he or she can trust.
Be open; share information.
Look for mutual benefits.

Rule 1: Assume that Mutual Respect Exists
Some people will lose your respect by repeatedly taking actions that are boldlyselfserving or unethical. But these people are usually the exception, not the rule. More
often, you will lose respect for others because of misunderstandings.
Most people are trying to do the very best that they can in any given situation. By
getting better at understanding other people’s points of view, you will have a better
chance of seeing what motivates them and the context in which they act.
Rule 1 simply challenges you to let yourself be surprised: to start over, suspend your
judgment, and assume that respect exists between you. While it may sound idealistic,
consider the alternative: when you assume a position of no respect, barriers go up and
options shut down.
Rule 2: Trust the Other Person and Be Someone Whom He or She Can Trust
Trusting others means taking a risk and letting your guard down in the hope that
something more positive can emerge. Although sometimes it may not be worth the risk,
not taking that risk virtually assures that distrust will mount.
In addition to trusting others, being someone whom others can trust is one of the most
powerful ways to turn around a troubled relationship. This, too, involves a “calculated
leap of faith” - a willingness to take the first step in building or rebuilding a relationship.
It is this kind of risk-taking that is the hallmark of a person working out of the Leader
paradigm, someone who breeds commitment and trust by being committed and
trustworthy.
Rule 3: Be Open; Share Information
Like the other rules of alliance, this can be a difficult rule to put into practice. Many of us
believe that “knowledge is power.” Yet power does not necessarily equate with influence.
You can have a lot of power by hoarding information, but you may not be trusted or
respected.
Ask yourself: Would you rather be powerful or effective? The traditionally powerful
leader might “know it all,” but the person working out of the Leader paradigm who is
open and who shares information is more likely to get things done in the long run
because of the trust and commitment that he or she builds.
Push past your comfort zone and share more information than you think that you can.
See what happens.