How to Coach Yourself and Others Essential Knowledge For Coaching | Page 118

Summary
The directed reflection is a new technique for validating the selfworth and character of others. A directed reflection is a response
to another person that consists of a reflection of feeling coupled
with a statement of one (or more) of the 36 components of
character. For example, we might say: “You’re feeling really
pumped (a reflection of feeling) when you are in control of
yourself and can make positive things happen for you (two of the
components of character).”
Responses such as this provide an excellent means for debriefing
a coachee’s “success” experience. For the greatest impact, three
to five directed reflections should be used at any one time.
Conclusion
This strategy should only be used to “catch” character when it is
occurring. We cannot force the issue of character development.
We can only reinforce the appropriate components of character
when we have an opportunity to “observe” them in action. The
observations can be in “real” time or in the success stories others
tell us—but they
must exist. This is not a technique that serves as a subtle means
of imparting values when they are not there, even though such
action may be tempting. Moreover, it is not intended as a
technique for influencing behavior change, although this is also a
tempting alternative. When used inappropriately, genuineness
disappears and the words sound hollow and mechanical.
When used with appropriate timing and sincerity, directed
reflections usually catch just a little piece of the person’s core
beliefs. It is at that core where character and social interest
reside. The directed reflections go beyond merely encouraging
another person. As Messer (2001) explains, we are helping the
individual discover the he/she is a worthwhile human being in
spite of his/her faults and imperfections.
996