How to Coach Yourself and Others Essential Knowledge For Coaching | Page 116

directly reflect the underlying positive elements of character that
made it possible for her to end the relationship.
YW: “I finally broke up with my boyfriend last night. You know,
he was pretty abusive to me.”
CO: “As much as that may hurt right now, you sound pretty
confident about what you did.” (Confidence)
YW: “I was kind of scared for a long time but I made up my mind
to do it and now it’s done.”
CO: “So, you overcame your fear and took a big step.” (Freedom
from Fear/Anxiety)
YW: “It was—especially for me—I don’t like to cause trouble.”
CO: “You’d rather keep the peace if you can but now you know
you can take charge like this yourself!”
(Power and Control)
YW: “I deserve better—he always put me down and told me I
was stupid.”
CO: “And you have more worth and value than that.” (Equality)
YW: “Duhhhhh! Of course I do!”
CO: “And now you are feeling really in control of the situation.”
(Independence)
YW: “Yeah. He wants to make up but I’m not interested any
more.”
You will note that the preceding example includes five different
directed reflections. This is important because we want the
person to really “hear” what we are saying. In the event that one
reflection of a character component does not quite take, we
increase the odds by adding the other four. The general outcome,
however, is that each of the directed reflections connects in some

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