How to Coach Yourself and Others Empowering Coaching And Crisis Interventions | Page 65
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Encourage clients to alter the problem pattern by doing something...anything…different
For a person who argues a lot with her boss, invite her to be “unpredictable” by saying something nice to the
boss upon entering the workplace for three consecutive days and observing any differences in the relationship;
For a supervisor concerned about the behavior of a disruptive team member, encourage the supervisor to alter
the problem pattern in the following way: The next time the problem starts, tell the individual that you are going
to start at the end and work backwards by saying, “I’m sorry I had to do this without you, because it’s important
to me that you remain part of the team, but I can’t talk with you all the time and organize things at the same
time.”
Examples of “Do Something Different” Experiments
For parents who complain about “daily arguments” with their daughter shortly after she arrives home from
school, invite them to try a “Do Something Different” experiment in which they
(a) do something very different when their daughter arrives home from school, and
(b) make careful observations, perhaps even notes, on her response to the experiment.
Practice Exercise: Invite Something Different by Changing the Doing
Instructions:
(a) The supervisor/teacher/parent describes a problem they are having with another person;
(b) The service provider invite the supervisor/teacher/parent to consider being unpredictable by doing
something different in order to change the problem.
1. The service provider describes the problem in specific terms (Who does what, when, to whom?).
2. The service provider and the supervisor/teacher/parent work through the following steps:
What do you usually do in response to this person’s problem behavior? What is the usual result?
What could you do that would be totally different and unexpected the next time the person performs the
problem behavior? (Brainstorm some possibilities before ruling anything out)
Of all the options we just discussed, which one would you be most likely to try?
On a scale of 0 to 10 where 0 = “not at all likely” and 10 = “very likely,” how likely is it that you will
actually do this when you return to work? (circle one) - 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
3. Externalizing the problem from the person.
Discuss the problem as a separate and distinct entity that is external to the client by giving it a name, exploring
its power in the relationship, and exploring times in which the client has stood up to it instead of yielding to its
influence
Examples:
If you were to name this problem, what would you call it?
How long has Ms. Nasty been part of your life?
How does she get you to dance to her tune?
Tell me about a time that you stood up for yourself and did things your way instead of giving in.
How will your life be different as things change between you and Ms. Meany?
What would happen if you switched seats with Mr Nasty (the problem) so that you became the driver and
he (the problem) became the passenger?
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