How to Coach Yourself and Others Empowering Coaching And Crisis Interventions | Page 25

This book is in B&W, not color - Print page in Grayscale for Correct view! Tell about similar experiences One other way to build rapport is let the other person know that you understand where they are coming from. When you acknowledge them, that is you say and demonstrate that you understand, it doesn’t mean you agree it just means that you have heard them. This creates an absence of vulnerability because people want to know that they have been heard. That makes them feel important and makes it easier to trust. To demonstrate that you understand let them know that their words make sense to you and, when possible, that you have had similar experiences and thoughts. This might be done by telling them about a personal experience that is like theirs. If that is not possible say that you understand or ask them to explain further in a way that lets them know you are interested in their experience. Being heard is a building block of trusting. “I have that same feeling all the time.” – “I was just about to say exactly the same thing” – “I couldn’t agree more” Ask for advice  “How would you … ? What would you do if … ?” Insert pauses between phrases, talk slowly, whisper When you ask a question, deliberately pause to let the person you’re asking answer. This is a sign of respect, which builds feelings of safety and trust. Imagine if you had an audience with the Pope. Would you ask a question and then jump in while he was answering? No, not at all. You would respectfully wait for the answer. It is the same in building rapport. To build trust you must patiently provide an empty space for the answer to fill. Patient open space listening produces respect, an absence of vulnerability and rapport. Smile I know that this one’s obvious, but we’re much more approachable when we smile. Alternatively, a greeting without a smile lacks warmth and makes it difficult for us to connect with others. A solid handshake A good handshake isn’t very memorable, but a bad one is. Make sure that your handshake is firm (without breaking fingers) and doesn’t go on for too long. Hanging your hand out like a dead fish comes across as insipid and lacking in confidence, a bad start to any relationship and to be avoided. Whilst you may have used the same handshake for your whole life so far, it’s never too late to change, so if you’re conscious that you sometimes don’t come across well in this area, start practicing. Get, and use, their name To assist you to build rapport with others, getting their name early in the interaction is crucial. It’s just as important to use it a few times, making the conversation more personal and increasing the likelihood that you’ll remember it the next time you meet them. For [email protected] Property of Bookemon, do NOT distribute 25