How to Coach Yourself and Others Empowering Coaching And Crisis Interventions | Page 197

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5. Listen. Although you may think that the last thing your friend wants to do is talk to you about
depression, you could be wrong. Sometimes a friend just needs someone to talk to. Actively listen to
them without judging or giving advice. Depression is an issue that people sometimes feel they must
hide, in order to maintain their usual life. Because people see it as a weakness or a cry for attention they
feel like not telling anyone. This is wrong though, the depressed person would like nothing better than
to feel happy again and be themselves. Either that or they are only just coming to terms with it, let alone
the idea of letting other people in on it. However, from time to time, your friend may open up, or
express the desire to talk to you. Sometimes they just want to vent. Don't start spitting out possible
solutions until you know the full extent of the problem. A good listener can sometimes be vastly more
helpful than someone who tries to offer solutions. When this happens, be understanding and kind and
willing to listen. This means a lot to them. This also should mean a lot to you because they are trusting
you with something so personal that's affecting them. Don't interrupt, don't try to convince them they're
wrong, don't give advice and try not to react in horror. It can be difficult to hear about how terrible your
friend feels, but remember that they're trusting you. Value this trust, don't break it and keep it close. Just
be there to listen. That's the number 1 thing they need right now.
6. What not to do: Don't make jokes when they are talking to you. This makes them feel like you don't see
their feelings as legitimate or serious. You may be trying to help by lightening the mood but it is not
good for the depressed person. Do not tell them just to "Be happy." Or "Why can't you just be happy for
once?" or "Lighten up." "Will you ever stop being like this?" "It's getting annoying." This will not
encourage them at all. Once again this makes them feel like you aren't even listening and it makes them
feel like their issues don't matter which could lead to them feeling like their whole self doesn't matter to
you. Don't tell your friend to stop being depressed or be happier. This is out of their control. Depression
is a sickness, not a choice. A depressed mind is the most sensitive mind. Remember that.
7. Try to understand. Every person's story is different, and so it is impossible to completely understand.
Depression is a very complex and complicated disease. So it is ok for you not to understand where they
are coming from. However, keeping an open mind and putting yourself in your friend's shoes can help
you come closer to them. Once you've done your research on depression, you should know a lot more
about the disorder. Apply the symptoms and emotions to yourself, and contemplate how you would feel
if this was happening to you. Call upon things your friend has done or told you, and try to understand
why and what they mean. In times of need, having someone understand or try too, can be all the relief in
the world.
8. What not to do. Don't tell your friend that life is still worth living and that this situation will improve
and the sadness will get better. This trivializes their pain and will not help. Do not try to make them feel
better by reminding them how much better their lives are than other people's. They know that and it
makes them feel guilty about their condition because they feel like they should just be able to be
grateful for life because they have it better t