How to Coach Yourself and Others Empowering Coaching And Crisis Interventions | Page 111
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"I" Statements
Another important piece of using empowering language is using "I" statements. These are claims a person
makes about themselves using the pronoun "I" rather than "you".
For example, imagine I said, "You know how you sometimes don't want to get up in the morning? Having the
aroma of freshly brewed coffee reach your nose can really help!" Clean CommunicationI am, in fact, telling
you something about myself: "Sometimes I just don't want to get up in the morning. Having the aroma of
freshly brewed coffee reach my nose can really help!" Expressed using "you" and "your", I'm implying that you
should agree. However, you may never have trouble getting up in the morning, or you may not even like the
aroma of coffee. Rather than assuming these things and telling you what will help you, it's much cleaner if I
just claim what is true for me. Then, if you notice that resonates with you, you can offer your agreement.
The value in using "I" statements is ownership. When I use "I" statements I am owning what I say as my view
or reality. I am not projecting it onto "you". This facilitates my separating my issues from your issues so that I
can deal with mine and don't have to take responsibility for dealing with or responding to yours. That's a win
for me. How about for you?
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