How to Coach Yourself and Others Empowering Coaching And Crisis Interventions | Page 110

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3. Empowering Language
Replacing disempowering language with empowering language can transform our perspective. We can shift
how we hold things, even if circumstances remain the same. That shift can move us to a place of
empowerment. It's part of recognizing that we are always at choice.
How often can you replace…

…with empowering language?

I should; I ought to

I will; I choose to

I need to

It's important to me to

I have to

I choose to; I want to

I can't

I am not willing to

I'll try to

I will; I intend to; I aim to; I commit to

I should have [done]

Next time I can; Next time I will

but

and

I am just; I am only

I am

You know; like

[nothing needed]

kind of; sort of

[nothing needed]

I would like to say/acknowledge/do

[just make the statement; these prefaces diminish it]

Value In Replacing Disempowering With Empowering Language
Language, as our expression of thoughts and feelings, has the power to transform. It's inextricably linked to our
view of reality. By changing our language, we can affect our view of reality, which is, in effect, our reality.
I've observed significant energy shifts as clients replace disempowering language with empowering language.
This means that, just by changing our language, we can move from playing the victim to having choices, from
feeling powerless to being in control of our life, from fear to love. And we can move into action:
"I really want to…" → "I will…"
"I have to…" → "I choose to…"
But… → Personally, I have replaced most uses of "but" with "and". I picked this because, when I read the
empowering language table above, it was the entry most charged for me! My initial reaction was, "'But' is a
perfectly good and useful word. Why should I replace it!?!"
Holding Space For Both
The word "but" separates two clauses representing things that are in some way in opposition. The implication is
often that one or the other must be chosen, or one or the other is true. The word "and" just conjoins two things
in a list, with a sense of inclusivity. Technically, the word "but" expresses more information about the
relationship of the things being described, AND using an inclusive conjunction ("and") serves better to hold
space f