How to Coach Yourself and Others Coaching Starts With Non Violent Communication | Page 12

Giving And Receiving Gratitude
By Gregg Kendrick, Certified Trainer
Gratitude or appreciation is recognizing when a person has contributed to our life or to the lives of
others.

Expressing Gratitude
In NVC, we express gratitude in 3 parts:
1. What specifically did the other person do that enriched your life?
2. How do you feel now as you recall what they did?
3. What need of yours was met by what they did?
Note that these three parts are simply the first three parts of any NVC expression: observation, feeling,
need
Example:
"When I remember you asking if I could use some help this morning, I feel grateful because I value
mutual support among our team."

Receiving Appreciation
In NVC, I receive appreciation joyfully, even with awe, as I hold in my awareness this power that
flows through me to enrich life for others. It is often hard to receive appreciation fully because it is
hard to recognize this beauty & power within us.
This is a very different experience than the way we often respond to compliments, through false
humility or a feeling of superiority. False humility: denies the importance of the appreciation; e.g. "It
was nothing."
Feeling of superiority: Thinking "I am better than others because I received the appreciation or
compliment.”

Appreciation vs. Compliments
Appreciation: what's alive in ourselves (feelings & needs met) stimulated by the other person's actions
Compliment: a positive judgment of the other person
e.g. "You're really great!" "Good job!" "You are a kind person."
Compliments, though positive, are still judgments of other people. They are often used to manipulate
the behavior of others. “…the more you become a connoisseur of gratitude, the less you are a victim of
resentment, depression, and despair.
Gratitude will act as an elixir that will gradually dissolve the hard shell of your ego — your need to
possess and control — and transform you into a generous being. The sense of gratitude produces true
spiritual alchemy, makes us magnanimo