How to Coach Yourself and Others Coaching Families | Page 71

6. Opening Up Closed Systems
Families in which conflicts are not openly expressed need help in discussing the conflict so that it can be a
target for change. Sometimes a counselor can work with a family member who has an unexpressed or
implicit conflict and help that person discuss the problem so that it can be resolved. This brings conflicts out
into the open and facilitates their resolution by intensifying and focusing on covert emotional issues. In
families of drug-abusing adolescents, a typical example of unexpressed or suppressed conflict involves
disengaged fathers who tend to deny or avoid any discussion of the youth's problems. Asking a surly or
sulking adolescent to express what is on his or her mind whenever the father is addressed may help the
father break through his denial.
7. Tasks
Central Role
The use of "tasks" or assignments is central to all work with families. The counselor uses tasks both inside
and outside the counseling sessions as the basic tool for orchestrating change. Because the emphasis in
BSFT is in promoting new skills among family members, at both the level of individual behaviors and in
family interactional relations, tasks serve as the vehicle through which counselors choreograph opportunities
for the family to behave differently.
In the example in which mother and son were initially allied and the father was left outside of this alliance,
father and son were first assigned the task of doing something together that would interest them both. Later
on, the mother and father were assigned the collaborative task of working together to define rules regarding
the types of behaviors they would permit in their son and the consequences that they would assign to their
son's behavior and misbehavior.
General Rule
It is a general rule that the BSFT counselor must first assign a task for the family to perform in the therapy
session so that the counselor has an opportunity to observe and help the family successfully carry out the
task. Only after a task has been accomplished successfully in the therapy session can a similar followup task
be assigned to the family to be completed outside of therapy.
Moreover, the counselor's aim is to provide the family with a successful experience. Thus, the counselor
should try to assign tasks that are sufficiently doable at each step of the counseling process. The counselor
should start with easy tasks and work up to more difficult ones, slowly building a foundation of successes
with the family before attempting truly difficult restructuring moves.
Hope for the Best; Be Prepared for the Worst
Counselors should never expect the family to accomplish the assigned tasks flawlessly. In fact, if family
members were skillful enough to accomplish all assigned tasks successfully, they would not need to be in
counseling. When tasks are assigned, counselors should always hope for the best but be prepared for the
worst. After all, a task represents a new way of behaving for the family and one that may be difficult given
that they have had years of practice engaging in the old ways of behaving.
As the family attempts to carry out a task, the counselor should help the family overcome obstacles it may
encounter. However, in spite of the counselor's best efforts, the task is not always accomplished. The
counselor's job is to observe and/or uncover what happened and identify the obstacles that prevented the
family from achieving the task. When a task fails, the counselor starts over and works to overcome the
newly identified obstacles. Unsuccessful attempts to complete tasks are a great source of new and important
information regarding the interactions that prevent a family from functioning optimally.
The first task that family counselors give to all of their cases is to bring everyone into the counseling
session. Every counselor who works with problem youths and their families knows very well that most of
the families who need counseling never reach the first counseling session. Therefore, these families can be
described as having failed the first task given them, to come in for counseling. This task, called engagement,
is so important that we have devoted the next chapter to it.

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