How to Coach Yourself and Others Coaching Families | Page 128

Goals of Therapy
The practice of Bowen family therapy is governed by the following two goals:
(1) lessening of anxiety and symptom relief and
(2) an increase in each family member's level of differentiation of the self (Kerr & Bowen, 1988).
To bring about significant change in a family system, it is necessary to open closed family ties and to
engage actively in a detriangulation process (Guerin, Fogarty, Fay, & Kautto, 1996). Although problems
are seen as residing in the system rather than in the individual, the route to changing oneself is through
changing in relationship to others in the family of origin.
Bowen encouraged his clients to come to know others in their family as they are.
He helped individuals or couples gather information, and he coached or guided them into new behaviours by
demonstrating ways in which individuals might change their relationships with their parents, siblings, and
extended family members.
He instructed them how to be better observers and also taught them how to move from emotional reactivity
to increased objectivity.
He did not tell clients what to do, but rather asked a series of questions that were designed to help them
figure out their own role in their family emotional process
Treatment entails
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reframing the presenting problem as a multigenerational problem that is caused by factors beyond
the individual
lowering anxiety and the "emotional turmoil" that floods the family so they can reflect and act more
calmly
increasing differentiation, especially of the adult couple, so as to increase their ability to manage
their own anxiety, transition more effectively to parenthood, and thus fortify the entire family unit's
emotional wellbeing
using the therapist as part of a "healthy triangle" where the therapist teaches the couple to manage
their own anxiety, distance, and closeness in healthy ways
forming relationships with the family member with "the problem" to help them separate from the
family and resist unhealthy triangulation and emotional fusion
opening closed ties with cut off members
focusing on more than "the problem" and including the overall health and happiness of the family
evaluating progress of the family in terms of how they function now, as well as how adaptive they
can be to future changes
addressing the power differential in heterosexual couple based on differences, for example, in
economic power and gender role socialization (this is a contribution of those who have reconsidered
Bowen's theory through a feminist lens)

In general, the therapist accomplishes this by giving less attention to specific problem they present with, and
more attention to family patterns of emotions and relationships, as well as family structures of dyads and
triangles.
More specifically, the therapist
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tries to lower anxiety (which breeds emotional fusion) to promote understanding, which is the
critical factor in change; open conflict is prohibited as it raises the family members' anxiety during
future sessions
remains neutral and detriangulated, and in effect models for the parents some of what they must do
for the family
promotes differentiation of members, as often a single member can spur changes in the larger
family; using "I" statements is one way to help family members separate their own emotions and
thoughts from those of the rest of the family
develops a personal relationships with each member of the f ֖ǒ