How to Coach Yourself and Others Coaching Families | Page 56

Interactions that are either enmeshed or disengaged can cause problems. When these interactions cause
problems, they need to be altered to establish a better balance between the closeness and distance that exists
between different family members. For each family, there is an ideal balance between closeness and
distance that allows cooperation and separation.
Resonance and Culture
Resonance needs to be assessed in the context of culture. This is important because some cultures encourage
family members to be very close with each other, while other cultures encourage greater distance. One
important aspect of culture involves the racial or ethnic groups with which families identify themselves. For
example, Hispanics are more likely than white Americans to be close and, thus, appear more enmeshed
(have higher resonance) (e.g., Woehrer 1989). Similarly, an Asian father may be quite distant or disengaged
from the women in his family, which is considered natural in his culture (Sue 1998). However, whether the
culture dictates the distance between family members, it is important for counselors to question if a
particular way of interacting is causing problems for the family. In other words, even if an interaction is
typical of a culture, if it is causing symptoms, then it may need to be changed. This type of situation must be
handled with great knowledge and sensitivity to demonstrate respect for the culture and to allow family
members to risk making a change that is foreign to their culture.
Enmeshment (high resonance) and Disengagement (low resonance)
Sometimes "enmeshment" (excessive closeness) and "disengagement" (excessive distance) can occur at the
same time within a single family. This happens frequently in families of drug-abusing youths, when one
parent is sometimes very protective and is closely allied with the youth (i.e., enabling), while the other
parent may be somewhat disinterested and distant.
BSFT counselors look for certain behaviors in a family that are telltale signs of either enmeshment or
disengagement. Obviously, some of these behaviors may happen in any family. However, when a large
number of these behaviors occur or when some occur in an extreme form, they are likely to reflect problems
in the family's patterns of interaction. Easily observable symptoms of enmeshment include one person
answering for another, one person finishing another's statements, and people interrupting each other.
Observable symptoms of disengagement include one family member who wants to be separated from
another or a family member who rarely speaks or is spoken about.
Developmental Stages
Individuals go through a series of developmental stages, ranging from infancy to old age. Certain
conditions, roles, and responsibilities typically occur at each stage. Families also go through a series of
developmental stages. For family members to continue to function adaptively at each developmental stage,
they need to behave in ways that are appropriate for the family's developmental level.
Each time a developmental transition is reached, the family is confronted by a new set of circumstances. As
the family attempts to ad apt to the new circumstances, it experiences stress. Failure to adapt, to make the
transition, to give up behaviors that were used successfully at a previous developmental stage, and to
establish new behaviors that are adaptive to the new stage will cause some family members to develop new
behavior problems. Perhaps one of the most stressful developmental changes occurs when children reach
adolescence. This is the stage at which a large number of families are not able to adapt to developmental
changes (e.g., from direct guidance to leadership and negotiation). Parents must be able to continue to be
involved and monitor their adolescent's life, but now they must do it from a distinctly different perspective
that allows their daughter or son to gain autonomy.
At each developmental stage, certain roles and tasks are expected of different family members. One way to
determine whether the family has successfully overcome the various developmental challenges that it has
confronted is to assess the appropriateness of the roles and tasks that have been assigned to each family
member, considering the age and position of each person within the family.

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