How to Coach Yourself and Others Coaching Families | Page 55

Subsystems that cross generations (e.g., between a parent and one child) cause trouble because such
relationships blur hierarchical lines and undermine a parent's ability to control behavior. Relationships in
which one parent figure and a child unite against another parent figure are called "coalitions." Coalitions are
destructive to family functioning and are very frequently seen in families of drug-abusing adolescents. In
these cases, the adolescent has gained so much power through this relationship that he or she dares to
constantly challenge authority and gets away with it. The adolescent has this power to be rebellious,
disobedient, and out of control by having gained the support of one parent who, to disqualify the other
parent, enables the adolescent's inappropriate behavior.
Triangulation
Sometimes when two parental authority figures have a disagreement, rather than resolving the disagreement
between themselves, they involve a third, less powerful person to diffuse the conflict. This process is called
"triangulation." Invariably this triangulated third party, usually a child or an adolescent, experiences stress
and develops symptoms of this stress, such as behavior problems. Triangles always spell trouble because
they prevent the resolution of a conflict between two authority figures. The triangulated child typically
receives the brunt of much of his or her parents' unhappiness and begins to develop behavior problems that
should be understood as a call for help.
Communication Flow
The final category of organization looks at the nature of communication. In functional families,
communication flow is characterized by directness and specificity. Good communication flow is the ability
of two family members to directly and specifically tell each other what they want to say. For example, a
declaration such as, "I don't like it when you yell at me," is a sign of good commun