How to Coach Yourself and Others Coaching Families | Page 124

People who are fused to their families of origin tend to marry others to whom they can become fused;
that is, people at similar levels of differentiation tend to seek out and find each other when coupling.
One pseudo-self relies on another pseudo-self for emotional stability.
Unproductive family dynamics of the previous generation are transmitted from one generation to the next
through such a marriage (Becvar & Becvar, 2003).
In family systems theory, the key to being a healthy person encompasses both a sense of belonging to one's
family and a sense of separateness and individuality.
Differentiation from the family of origin allows one to accept personal responsibility for one’s thoughts,
feelings, perceptions, and actions.
Simply leaving one’s family of origin physically or emotionally, however, does not imply that one has
differentiated. Indeed, Bowen’s phrase for estrangement or disengagement is emotional cutoff, a strong
indication of an undifferentiated self.
Individuation, or psychological maturity, is a lifelong developmental process that is achieved relative to the
family of origin through re examination and resolution of conflicts within the individual and relational
contexts.
The distinction between emotional reactivity and rational thinking can be difficult to discern at times.
Those who are not emotionally reactive experience themselves as having a choice of possible responses;
their reactions are not automatic but involve a reasoned and balanced assessment of self and others.
Emotional reactivity, in contrast, is easily seen in clients who present themselves as paranoid, intensely
anxious, panic stricken, or even “head over heels in love.” In these cases, feelings have overwhelmed
thinking and reason, and people experience themselves as being unable to choose a different reaction.
Emotional reactivity in therapists almost always relates to unresolved issues with family-of-origin members.
For example, the sound of a male’s voice in a family session reminds the therapist of his father and
immediately triggers old feelings of anger and anxiety as well as an urgency to express them. Clarity of
response in Bowen’s theory is marked by a broad perspective, a focus on facts and knowledge, an
appreciation of complexity, and a recognition of feelings, rather than being dominated by them: Such people
achieve what Bowen sometimes referred to as a solid self (Becvar & Becvar, 2003).

4) Understanding family emotional systems.
Understanding family emotional systems and how they work is central to Bowen's theory.
The nuclear emotional process refers to how the family system operates in a crisis.
The family projection process refers to how parents pass good and bad things on to their children.
The multigenerational transmission process refers to how a family passes its good and baggage
between generations
Bowen focused on how family members could maintain a healthy balance between
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being enmeshed (overly involved in each other’s lives)
and being disengaged (too much detachment from each other).

Although all family therapists are interested in resolving problems presented by a family and decreasing
symptoms, Bowen therapists are mainly interested in changing the individuals within the context of the
system.

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