How to Coach Yourself and Others Coaching Families | Page 123

These were complementary relational positions whereby
- the pursuer is someone who wants lots of relational contact, especially during times of stress;
- the distancer is less expressive of thoughts and feelings, and often finds comfort in necessary tasks
rather than relationship.

3) Differentiation Of The Self and Emotional Cutoff.
The cornerstone of Bowen's theory is differentiation of the self, which involves both the psychological
separation of intellect and emotion and independence of the self from others.
Differentiated individuals are able to choose to be guided by their thoughts rather than their feelings.
Undifferentiated people have difficulty in separating themselves from others and tend to fuse with dominant
emotional patterns in the family.
- These people have a low degree of autonomy,
- They are emotionally reactive, and
- They are unable to take a clear position on issues:
-

they have a pseudo-self.

Self-differentiation was Bowen’s principal goal of family therapy.
Bowen would model differentiation to his clients by using "I" statements and taking ownership