How to Coach Yourself and Others Coaching and Counseling in Difficult Circumstances | Page 31

This book is in B&W, not color - Print page in Grayscale for Correct view! 7) Leave them alone if necessary. b) Agree on an agenda. If this can’t happen, then just listen, but learn! Your loved one may be tired of hearing what he or she can and cannot do. When they learn you will not do that, they may be more apt to talk abut “hot topics” (medicines). To establish agenda follow lead of your loved one. If they are pontificating on that they won’t take medicines then ask, “I would really like to understand what it is about meds you don’t like”. Don’t second-guess at this point just listen and empathize. c) Listen for beliefs about the self and the illness. Find out what they want out of life without being judgmental. If they want to work, don’t tell them it is unrealistic. Listen! And Believe! Attempt to learn if they even believe they are not ill and what medications/therapy do for them (both positive and negative). d) Don’t react! I’m not saying ignore, just don’t give your opinion. Empathize with the experience instead of telling them it is not true. Use a statement like “anything is possible” I’m not saying agree with delusions just don’t disagree. With exceptions to urgent matters, but be assured it is urgent. e) Let chaos be. There will be times when your loved one does not make sense or is out of touch with reality. Don’t interrupt or attempt to fill in the blanks. You can still get the information you need by letting them just talk. f) Echo what you have heard. Make it a point to assure them that you have heard them this can be done simply by repeating it back to them in your own words. If they feel you understand them, they are more likely to be open to your opinions later. g) Write it down. Complete Attitudes and Beliefs checklist. Do this after the conversation. Unless it would cause defensiveness in your loved one. “Would it be ok if I use this form I have?” 2) Empathize 1) Your listening will naturally lead to empathy. When someone you are working with is in pain it is hard not to empathize. It is however easy to tell someone what you think is best also because your care and think you know what is best. The former will ultimately lead to a real interest in your thoughts; the latter will lead to resentment and frustration. 2) What should I be empathizing with? a) Any feeling your loved one is willing to talk about. b) Frustrations about pressures to take medicines and personal goals not met. c) Fears about medicines, being stigmatized, and failing. d) Discomfort attributed to medicines (i.e. weight gain, feeling groggy, tired, stiff) e) Desires to work, get married, have kids, return to school and to stay out of the hospital. 3) How to empathize. a) Use reflective listening. Reflecting back statements and feelings in the form of questions. For [email protected] Property of Bookemon, do NOT distribute 33