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7. Nonviolent Communication:
A Model for Social Change
Adapted from Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D. and Liv Monroe
"In every moment, each of us is trying to meet our needs in the best way we know
how." (Marshall Rosenberg)
---=oOo=--"Out beyond ideas of right and wrong, there is a field, I'll meet you there" (Rumi)
An Introduction to Nonviolent Communication
Nonviolent communication is founded on language and communication skills that strengthen our ability to
remain human, even under challenging conditions. NVC guides us in reframing how we express ourselves and
hear others. Instead of being habitual, automatic responses, our words becomeconscious responses based firmly
on an awareness of what we are perceiving, feeling and wanting.
NVC is a Language of Compassion Rather Than Domination, which helps us to resolve conflicts by focusing
our consciousness on what we are observing, feeling, needing, and requesting. It leads us toward a quality of
connection among people where everyone’s needs are valued and get met through compassionate giving out of
the joy of contributing to another human being.
The potency of NVC is in its pragmatic simplicity. In any moment, there are two ways to enhanceconnection &
understanding:
(1) vulnerably express our own feelings & needs, or
(2) empathically listen to the feelings & needs of the other.
These are radically different choices than we are accustomed to experience when we are in conflict:namely,
fight, submit or flee. With practice, NVC helps us navigate within ourselves to transform blame & judgment,
where neither our own needs nor those of the other person are likely to be met, into a mutual awareness of
human needs.
Nonviolent communication uses the metaphors of giraffe and jackal to describe communication that is either
life-serving - communicating to connect -, or violence provoking communication.
Nonviolent communication is a model of being conscious of what one values and is courageous enough to live
accordingly.
The model involves the following steps:
1. Objective Observation (observation without judgment)
a. Concrete actions I observe, without analysis
b. When I (see, hear, remember, imagine, etc.)
2. Honest Feelings (from inside oneself)
a. How I feel in relation to these actions
b. "I feel"
3. Universal Needs (no reference to a specific action, place or person)
a. The life energy in the form of needs, desires, wishes, or values that creates my feelings.
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