How to Coach Yourself and Others Beware of Manipulation | Page 92

"I need more time to think about it." Next, you need to confront the fear, anxiety or guilt that has
driven you to comply in the past with the manipulator's demands. This requires a deep look within that
may be achieved by working with a professional therapist. Exploring your own personal feelings, why
you react as you do, and how to use alternate responses may be a challenge, but the benefits are farreaching - and they may save your relationship, or at least prepare you for healthier relationships in the
future. Finally, you might label the manipulation for what it is. "When you threaten to leave me I feel
afraid. If you would simply state your wishes and show me respect, I would be more able to listen to
what you want." In a calm voice and with direct eye contact, it may be time to announce that the old
manipulations have come to an end. "We both understand that you have a pattern of playing on my
fears, and now you know how I feel about that. Your way of threatening me is not going to work any
longer." In making these types of assertive statements, you are defining your boundaries. There is no
need to make threats. Simply state that you will not participate any longer in manipulations. Make it
clear that by setting limits and enhancing your own personal integrity, you expect a better relationship
in the future. Learning to assert yourself in the face of a manipulative individual who feels threatened
when not in control is a challenge, and doing this with the help of a professional therapist is
recommended.

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