How to Coach Yourself and Others Beware of Manipulation | Page 43

3. How to Pick Up on Manipulative Behavior
Sources:
http://www.wikihow.com/Pick-Up-on-Manipulative-Behavior
edited by Iqbal Osman, Teresa, Tipsy, Flickety and 19 others
http://aloftyexistence.wordpress.com/2011/04/11/manipulative-personality/
http://www.way-of-the-mind.com/manipulative-people.html

3.1 Manipulation operates in sneaky ways
Manipulative people are not obvious because they act in a sneaky way. When someone is openly
aggressive, at least we know what is happening and can react accordingly.
But with manipulation, it’s different: we know something is wrong but we can't pinpoint what it is. We
find ourselves on the defensive and we tend to hate ourselves for it because we think we are making up
things. However, usually our feelings are right: we are being manipulated.

3.2 Manipulation is about control
Manipulators attempt to indirectly control or influence the actions and behavior of others. Instead of
being direct with their methods, the manipulator uses underhanded tactics to force their will. Because
they are subtle, the manipulative personality easily goes undetected and overlooked, and the person or
people being manipulated don’t realize what’s going on until it’s too late. Or not at all. They may
believe that they are obligated to do what the manipulator wishes, and feel guilty if they don’t. The
manipulative personality may be a family member, friend, or colleague.
Manipulation refers to making attempts at indirectly influencing someone else's behavior or actions. As
human beings, our emotions often cloud our judgments making it difficult to see the reality behind
hidden agendas or motives in different forms of behavior. The controlling aspects or shrewdness linked
to manipulation are sometimes very subtle and may be easily overlooked, buried under feelings of
obligation, love, or habit. In this article you'll learn some ways to pick up on manipulative behavior
occurring around you, so that you can sort it rather than jump to it.

3.3 Understand the manipulative personality.
They're not always obvious because they play a silent game of building up obligations toward them,
that end up with you feeling guilty, pressured, and obliged to carry out things for their sake even
though you're still wondering how things got to this point. Some of the characteristics of a
manipulative personality include:
A martyr style personality.
This personality type behaves as if he or she is being considerate toward others but is actually messing
up considerateness with a need to be significant to you.
By "martyring" themselves, they are doing things nobody has asked of them or wants them to do but in
the process creates a bind when they do them.

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