Postpartum Depression
After childbirth, up to 16% of women suffer through postpartum depression, though often they suffer quietly.
Here, Megan bravely opens up to share what postpartum depression looked like for her in the hopes that
more women will seek help.
words by MEGAN MCLEMORE, images by WHITNEY MARIE PHOTOGRAPHY, MEGAN LOGAN PHOTOGRAPHY
F
inding out you’re having a baby, is one of the
most joyous times of your life. Spending nine
months preparing for your little bundle of joy, as
your body makes all these miraculous changes growing another human being inside of you,
gives you a glow everyone will notice. When you
deliver that perfect little one, as if by magic, your life suddenly feels complete. It’s absolutely incredible.
That’s how postpartum depression affected me. When I
woke up, my husband asked me if I was ok; This was all so
unlike me compared to how things went with our first baby,
surely there had to be something wrong. And there was. I
could NOT stop crying. I cried when he confronted me. I
cried when I made an appointment with the doctor, and I
cried sitting in the office trying to explain the guilt I felt from
constantly crying.
Until it’s not. And you’re sitting alone on the bed while your
sweet, perfect baby boy is sleeping in his swing. And you’re
crying to yourself. But you don’t know why you’re crying,
you just know something isn’t right. You love this little being,
but you’re so tired that you can barely keep your eyes open.
Then he starts to fuss, but you’re so consumed with your
own wave of emotions you can’t even force yourself to get
out of bed. Your eyelids are so heavy. He cries. You cry. And
finally your significant other enters and lifts that sweet boy
from h is swing and you feel a rush of relief as you drift off
to sleep.
Just as quickly as it came on, my postpartum depression
was gone, along with the tears, exhaustion and guilt, thanks
largely in part to an anti depressant prescribed by my OB. I
rested up, I had a solid support system, but most importantly, I put my pride aside and I sought help when I needed it.
Fast forward a few years. I was in a new relationship, my
oldest was 8, my youngest had just turned six, and my pregnancy test was positive. It was everything we had wanted,
and yet... I was terrified. Sure, there were the normal fears
like not being sure I could love another baby like I loved my
other two, but this was deeper. I was afraid of the fourth
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