The last 20 minutes have been some of the most intense that I have ever felt. It was this weird feeling, this weight on my chest, heart pounding, gut wrenching pain and grief like I have never before experienced. It was so overwhelming that I couldn’t fight it. It wasn’t a panic attack but I couldn’t breathe; my eyes filled up and I started to weep.
I had just experienced a very somber, introspective moment on the couch in our living room with my husband DeVaughn, my very best friend, who possesses the strength to lovingly and silently support me while the memories of my past marriage and abuse surfaced once again. This time I couldn’t stop myself from going back and feeling the weight of it all, I was compelled to see it, feel it, be in it
.
I will always remember what happened, but just how horrific it was does not always register for me. Not emotionally connecting to my pain at all times is a blessing; but tonight I was supposed to experience a different blessing, a darker blessing. It was sobering and the very definition of an out of body experience.
As I was sitting there in my dark world, suddenly the last five years started flashing in my mind. Five years, dozens of faces. Faces of all the hurting, abused and broken people that I have come into contact with, talked with, cried with, packed emergency bags with and gone to the courts and helped file orders of protection with. Out of all of these faces, just one left her abuser for good.
Platform of Pain
by Ellie Cunningham