Every year we hear words and phrases that make their way into everyday life. For a while, everywhere I went I heard someone exclaim, “Are you kidding me?” Today the word right continues to be go strong. I hear it in exclamations, questions, and statements. Recently, and I may be behind the times here, I keep coming across the term ‘spiraling’. Who comes up with these phrases and how do they take off? It reminds me of the movie “Mean Girls” and the locker room scene turned wrong. The main mean girl, Regina George, puts her top back on after gym class, and lo and behold, the conspirators have cut holes in the top. Next scene, all the girls are walking around with holes in their tops and bras hanging out.
I am not one for joining the crowd, but this word spiraling seems close to home. There has been a battle in my life for a few years now. It is not my battle. However, it affects me just the same. I have secretly been writing about it, though I rarely share. It has been more of my outlet.
Alcoholism.
I know someone out there is going to read that word and know. They will know my pain, the daily battles, the uncertainty, doubt, loss, and anger associated with it. Someone will have found his or her loved one passed out, driving, incoherent, or unable to speak. Someone has cried endless tears alone, spent money on treatment, hollered, begged, and ran far away. Someone out there will understand, and many will never have a clue. With where I have been in the last few years, I struggle to comprehend why anyone wants to drink. I hate alcohol. I hate the memes regarding every woman’s best friend, wine.
I have marched as the warrior I am for a long time. I have carried the failure on my own shoulders. I can confirm I am struggling myself and the mental spiraling I am in is far from my ideal way of life.
What happens to the family members who stay? Who has their back? They find support in groups such as Al-Anon, yes. However, our emotions and feelings remain locked up behind a mask of strength. Maybe that is just me. Perhaps someone out there has lived different. My question is how. How do you let go when it is your child? How do you go on when they are stuck behind?
The National Institute of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism reports that an estimated 88,000 people die from alcohol-related causes annually, making alcohol the third leading preventable cause of death in the United States. The first is tobacco, and the second is poor diet and physical inactivity. Read that again. Almost 100,000 people a year die from something that is completely preventable. How did we get here?
This world is constantly searching for something. Was alcohol always a go to for comfort and numbness? I feel the effects of a single drink within minutes. Running through my body are waves of discomfort. After one drink, you will find me stumbling, and requiring assistance to get to the car. They call me a lightweight, as though I am not one of the crowd because of my inability to drink more. I have witnessed what excessive drinking does to people since I was a girl, and I would rather stand out from the crowd any day than be what I saw many times.