leave my dorm. It developed into another
unhealthy outlet for me and I began to cut
more frequently. I would cut to distract
myself from the pain, and I would cut when
I was so angry at myself for having done
something that I regretted—like hurting
someone I cared about. In 10th grade, I
began getting drunk on weekends and
smoking pot to try and soothe my burning
soul. It provided temporary relief, but didn’t
fill the hollowness inside. At this point, my
parents had moved near to our school and
I was now living at home. I would lie and
tell them I was at a friend’s house, when I
was out at the bars. The more I turned away
from God, the more I hated Christians.
Anything that I hated about Christians, I
blamed on God. I eventually hated God.
I told myself, “If God is evil then Satan
must be good.” I wanted the experience of
the supernatural and a sense of spiritual
belonging, but not with God. I felt like I
needed to make a decision for one side or
the other. I still craved a spiritual relation-
ship and to experience supernatural power.
When I was 16, I told Satan he could have
my soul.
HimPower: How long did you pursue the
occult?
Wiebracht: I was involved in the occult
for maybe about a year. I moved back to
the US about a month before I turned 16
and began pursuing Satan more dedicat-
edly. However, some months later, I met a
guy who was not interested in this type of
darkness. He enjoyed partying and having a
good time. I fell head over heels for him and
was relieved to be part of his light hearted
and fun lifestyle. He was my new hope. I
lost interest in pursuing the occult but tried
to find release in using hard drugs, partying
and also in my appearance. I had already
struggled with unhealthy eating habits. In
my efforts to pursue a disillusioned version
of beauty, I continued to become increas-
ingly unbalanced by going without food and
throwing up.
HimPower: What was the turning point
in your life when you decided to follow
Christ?
Wiebracht: At age 17 I became pregnant.
This put me in an incredibly desperate place.
Up to this time, I had tried using drugs,
cutting, my appearance and my boyfriend
as methods to satisfy the greatest needs of
my soul. They were my coping mechanisms.
This is how I “dealt” with life. Now that I
knew I was pregnant, I didn’t want to cut, I
didn’t want to use drugs and I didn’t want
to starve myself. Things with my boyfriend
had been shaky for a while as well, so I felt
incredibly vulnerable. It was during one
night, part way through my pregnancy that
this desperation came to a peak. I was lying
in bed in a house that my boyfriend and I
shared. We lived in a bad part of town in the
central west Texas area. I was hours away
from my parent’s home. He was drinking
with one of his friends in the living room
and I could hear their laughter as I lay in my
bed. I was desperate to get away from it all.
It was dark outside but it didn’t matter. I got
out of bed and left the house. I kept walking
until I reached the nearby public park. Just
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