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3.1.2 Signs of possible trauma reactions in children
In children , experiences of abuse are often expressed indirectly . In smaller children , it may appear that their development has reversed : they lose language , pee on themselves , have disturbed sleep and eating routines , become clingy and passive . Some children of school age may include abusive themes in play and can be aggressive and sexually precocious . Many have somatic ailments ( stomach pains and headaches ). Teens present a prematurely adult identity , experience shame and guilt , and exhibit self-destructive behaviour . Many withdraw socially , from their peers and adults . For more knowledge about children and sexual abuse see our manual “ Children exposed to sexual violence in war , conflict , humanitarian crisis and low resource communities – A mental health manual for helpers ”.
3.2 How to meet the survivor ?
Aim . To discuss how helpers can approach survivors .
When you meet someone in crisis , as a helper , it is easy to be afraid of doing or saying something wrong . It can be difficult to talk about emotionally painful experiences and to deal with a survivor ’ s reactions to them . When you and the survivor also have different cultural backgrounds , this can appear to create distance between you . Nevertheless , survivors need to be understood , recognised , and cared for . Their basic survival and stress reactions are the same . If you remember this and understand the strains that the survivor has experienced , it is possible to reduce distance , create trust , and perhaps communicate .
Always bear in mind that each individual has a unique history and experience . Give the survivor room to decide what he wants to talk about , and be prepared for what emerges to be both complex and difficult . Helpers can never expect to have a complete overview : it is enough to accept what the survivor wants to share . It is not necessary or always appropriate to put everything on the table at once . When a survivor is helped with something that is difficult , this can give him confidence to go forward , perhaps accept help , and possibly address more intimate anxieties .
“ Give the survivor room to decide what he wants to talk about , and be prepared for what emerges to be both complex and difficult . Helpers can never expect to have a complete overview : it is enough to accept what the survivor wants to share . It is not necessary or always appropriate to put everything on the table at once .”
HELP AND ACTION
When working with survivors , it is essential to show respect , to affirm that they have autonomy and can control their own lives , including their own stories . As we have already described , many male survivors of sexual violence and abuse think they have lost their dignity and value , have no future , will not be heard . Their abusers may indeed have intended to break their will . Psychologically and from a human rights point of view , their relationship with you should be steeped in respect and dignity . For the same reason , it is essential never to behave in a controlling manner ; do not push survivors to act in a certain way or put them under pressure .