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2.6.3 Kumar , 61 years old , Sri Lanka . Reactions and symptoms .
KEY TO KNOW
Kumar participated in the civil war in his country and was tortured in prison .
Kumar
He struggles with several typical reactions :
• Guilt and shame .
• Numbness ; detachment .
• Intrusive memories .
• Self-loathing .
• Impaired memory .
• Anxiety and restlessness .
• Nightmares .
• Triggers .
• Avoidant behaviour .
• Distrust of others .
• Pessimistic about his own situation and future .
Kumar had already experienced many bad incidents as a young man , including attacks in his village , the loss of his father , abductions and killings , and sexual abuse by soldiers of his cousin and other young people . He could not forget these incidents , especially the abuse of his cousin , and felt shame and guilt because he could do nothing to save them . Sometimes he felt that he was reliving these incidents , even many years later .
For many years Kumar lived in danger . He was constantly on guard and experienced anxiety and restlessness , feelings that persist to this day . He lived with a feeling that he was never completely walking on the ground , as though he was always a little “ above ” it , never completely present or at rest .
The torture he experienced in prison probably caused the most dramatic injuries and most painful repercussions . The physical injuries from punching , burns and internal injuries left clear scars on his body and for many years he could not easily urinate or defecate . He was haunted day and night by the fear and humiliation he experienced , by the fact that he had been forced to confess , even to incidents he had not been involved in , and above all by memories of being forced to witness the torture of a cellmate . The guilt he felt because he had not been able to intervene , or help was sometimes unbearable . He was triggered by any sign of agitation , and often woke at night to hear himself shouting .
Those around him describe him as withdrawn . He seemed on constant alert ; insecure ; reluctant to respond when people made contact . These behaviours may reflect the fact that Kumar did not think he was any longer a person with dignity ; he felt he did not deserve to be liked . At times he deliberately hurt himself , which he later explained in terms of balancing his inner turmoil and pain and the world around him . He was generally unwilling to talk about the future and seemed unable to think ahead . He did not have a strong desire to seek help because he did not believe that anything could change . And because he did not believe he could learn anything , he did not read or watch TV . It was true that he could not concentrate . Those who know him confirm that he remembered very poorly , all messages were quickly lost .