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2.2 How to be a good helper
Aim . To help readers to understand , in their own terms , what being a ‘ helper ’ means , and what kinds of ‘ help ’ may be relevant . Also , to identify their own resources , and what additional skills and resources they might need .
KEY TO KNOW
Empathy is an important quality , but to be able to take care of survivors , helpers must feel for them but not be overwhelmed by what they have suffered . Helpers need to observe their own reactions too , and decide whether they need to withdraw a little or take a break . As a helper , you do not have control over what has happened to a survivor in the past : but you do have control over the choices you make when you take care of yourself and the survivor . To protect yourself emotionally , you need to be conscious of your state of mind , how your own history may influence it , and how the suffering of others can affect your mental health . For example , if you have had an experience resembling that of a survivor , you may be triggered when he talks about his past .
Helpers can act in many ways and have access to a wide range of tools . Sometimes it can be difficult to know what you can do in terms of helping . Wanting to help can create a weight of responsibility , the feeling that you are never doing enough . A helper should therefore set boundaries and decide what level of contribution is realistic . If you set no limits , it is easy to become overwhelmed ; the road to burnout is short .
REFLECTION QUESTION
You may want to think through these questions
• For me , what does it mean to be a helper ?
• What personal experience do I bring to this work ?
• What parts of the work are difficult for me ?
• Where can I contribute , and where do I need to learn more ?
• What is the most valuable contribution I can make ?
• How can gender roles and stereotypes influence how I help a survivor ?
It is also helpful to discuss questions with colleagues . What are the qualities of a good helper ? What resources do helpers need to carry out the work they do ? What can helpers do to increase their skills and capacity ?