16
Louis , Democratic Republic of the Kongo
REFLECTION QUESTION
But though his circumstances had improved , Louis experienced unstable moods . He became annoyed for no reason ; or he became very sad , remembering his family in his village and all that had happened . No longer being a “ true man ” destroyed his selfesteem , and he often thought it would be better not to live any longer . He endured several operations , but these did not end the pain in his groin or remove his disability .
At the thought of not being able to have children , he became both angry and very sad . The sight of uniforms or men speaking loudly made him anxious and alert . He was ashamed and thought many times about what he could have done differently , as if everything that had happened was his fault .
Louis had not talked to anyone about his experience . When someone asked , he said that he had been wounded in the war . Even in the doctor ’ s office he did not dare to talk about the terrible things that were done to him . Eventually he did not get out of bed and was unable to go to work . The doctor asked him if he slept badly , and that was true , so he was given sleeping pills . They helped a little but did not take away the nightmares . The doctor did not ask why he slept badly just said he should take it easy . Eventually , he was given sick leave . Being at home did not improve the situation : he had nothing to do and too much time to ponder .
It was difficult for him to ask for help , because he did not know which of his reactions were common or unusual . He thought pain and sleeplessness were normal , that it was normal to repeatedly recall memories of the past . He continued to become annoyed and angry at people around him , apparently for no reason , and most of the friends he had made withdrew from him .
Eventually Louis became so ill and confused that his doctor and the health nurse referred him to a therapist , who had time to listen and who waited until Louis felt ready to tell his story .
At the beginning of the therapy , an interpreter was sometimes present . For Louis , it was a relief to speak his own language . It took him a long time to be able to open up about his experience without being overwhelmed . But he gradually realised that he was not alone with his pain and his memories , that others had been through experiences like his , and this insight helped him a lot . The therapist explained to him why the past still “ invaded ” the present . He learned techniques to calm him when he was overwhelmed . Gradually he found more balance and a new perspective on life .
When he now tells his story , what happened still runs through his mind like a movie . But he has learned to reassure himself that it is in the past and that he is now safe , together with people who wish him well . He wants to use his story to create something positive , to tell the truth , and help others . This thought gives him some peace .
Louis wants to tell everyone who has survived sexual violence that it is not dangerous to talk about it , and that it actually helps to share what happened . Survivors do not need to feel ashamed because what happened was not their fault . The perpetrators were responsible . He wants survivors to receive compensation and recognition .
He has started a self-help group . “ I was first a survivor , then someone who has survived , and now I am an activist .”
Questions to reflect on
• How might experiencing several traumas at once influence a survivor mentally ?