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Help the child to position its abuse in the past
Traumatisation is about being held in the past . It is important to help the child find the here and now and distinguish present from past . Try to help the child focus on being here with you now and emphasise that the abuse is over .
“ Traumatisation is about being held in the past . It is important to help the child find the here and now and distinguish present from past . Try to help the child focus on being here with you now and emphasise that the abuse is over .”
Here are some examples of comments you might make to help the child during the conversation .
• What can remind you that it is over now ?
• Can your body recognise that it is over ?
• Can you make a drawing to show that it is over ?
• Would you like to say something to the perpetrator if you could ? What would it be ?
• Would you like to do something to protect yourself ? What would it be ?
• Can you imagine that you are safe now ? Can you imagine that you are protected ?
Role play . Talking about the abuse
ROLE PLAY EXERCISE
Aim . To practise talking a child through its traumatic experience and recalling it to the here and now .
HELP AND ACTION
Duration . 20 minutes ? Instructions :
• Work in pairs . A is a child , B is a helper .
• A chooses a difficult memory to share . A talks about the experience . B supports A , helps to regulate A , takes A through the worst part , and brings A back to here and now .
• A and B swap roles .
” If a caregiver takes responsibility for her or his part in what happened , this can greatly help the child to process trauma . The caregiver can reduce the child ’ s feelings of guilt and shame . The child can put responsibility where it should be put . In many cases , caregivers will need help to take responsibility , because it is painful and distressing for them too .”
Help adults to take responsibility for failing to protect
If a caregiver takes responsibility for her or his part in what happened , this can greatly help the child to process trauma . The caregiver can reduce the child ’ s feelings of guilt and shame . The child can put responsibility where it should be put . In many cases , caregivers will need help to take responsibility , because it is painful and distressing for them too .
Below are the words of a mother who , with support , was able to take responsibility for not protecting her child .
“ I should have taken care of you , but I didn ’ t know .”
I know I should have left your father earlier , but I was too scared . It ’ s not your fault . I ’ m sorry it happened . I wish I could have protected you , but I couldn ’ t . I imagine you are sad , angry and scared . Is that right ? You ’ re entitled to be . I didn ’ t know that Dad abused you and I can understand that you did not dare to tell me . Still , I should have protected you , mothers should do that . He is responsible for what he did . He should never have done it . But you lived with me also , and I should have protected you .