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EXERCISE
Workshop exercise . Your personal space Aim . To test the limits of your personal space . Instruction .
• Work in pairs .
• Stand at a distance and move slowly towards one another .
• When you notice that you are becoming uncomfortable , make a stop sign with your hand .
• Test different distances . Share your experiences afterwards .
4.3.1 Difficulties in maintaining good relations
Children who have been sexually abused can be scared when they receive kindness or have pleasant experiences , because their pain increases when the moment of kindness ends ; such children often feel kindness will be withdrawn , or believe they do not deserve it to continue .
For these reasons , they may react strongly during or after pleasant activities . It may seem that they want to destroy moments of happiness , whereas their behaviour may be an attempt to protect themselves from further disappointment by maintaining a predictable worldview . Helpers and carers should try to understand the child ’ s perspective . It may take many repetitions of kindness to change such expectations , but it is possible to transform the child ’ s expectations over time . Often the child can be most destructive when its inner expectations are about to change , because the risks of disappointment have become higher . (“ Just maybe , this person will continue to take care of me ?”) Be patient and do not give up during this period . Anger and emotional destructiveness may be a sign that the child is beginning to have confidence in you .
4.3.2 Repairing is gold !
Repairing is very important . Children who have been betrayed and experienced many ruptures and disappointments in their relationships often express their pain and sense of rejection in forms that cause them to be rejected again . As a helper or carer , you cannot meet all the child ’ s needs or cope entirely with the child ’ s difficult behaviour . You too are likely to feel frustrated and face issues of self-regulation . As an adult , take responsibility for repairing the relationship . Wait until both you and the child have calmed down , then talk about what happened . Remember that you are the adult and can take responsibility . Everyone is allowed to make mistakes .
HELP AND ACTION
Repair is an opportunity for new learning
Children exposed to sexual abuse have experienced broken relationships and betrayal and feel mistrust . They quickly feel unsafe and expect bad things to happen . When such children see that relationships can be repaired , they begin to understand that relationships can have solid foundations , and may start to put confidence in the words and good will of others .