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Be open and curious
How can we best assist children to speak freely ?
By showing interest , engaging , and demonstrating that you care . Children will usually tell their secrets to someone they trust , someone whom they believe can help .
Advice for communication
• Be open , curious and adopt an exploratory approach .
• Take responsibility for the conversation .
• Make the conversation meaningful , say why you want to talk to the child .
• Give the child agency and make the child feel comfortable .
• Keep several hypotheses in your head at the same time . Abuse is usually only one of several possible reasons for a child ’ s behaviour .
• Open-ended questions are better than closed ones .
• Acknowledge what your child is telling you and summarise what you hear .
• Listen more than you talk and endure pauses .
• Show your empathy but try not to become over-involved in what the child says .
• Accept denial and other defensive mechanisms .
• Be clear about confidentiality . Tell the child if you need to report or involve other people . Let the child know before you bring information forward .
• Do not pressure the child to talk .
KEY TO KNOW
3.12.3 Direct interview and exploration
When there is a suspicion that a child is exposed to abuse , either because the child has changed behaviour , has sent out “ test balloons ” in play or drawings or has uttered ambiguous statements , we need to know more concretely the reality in order to stop and prevent ongoing abuse and remove the child from an abusive situation if possible . The helper or caregiver also must be the one who decides to report to the police because a child has no responsibility for this . For this reason , we have included this section about disclosure .
However , for many children it takes time to be able to put the abuse into words , and to build the trust that is needed . Therefore , one should consider who the child feels safest with and when the time is right for the child to open up .
If you find yourself in the position of a helper , and suspect that a child has been sexually abused , you should talk with the child directly . Think carefully about where to hold the conversation , and who should be present . Find a place that is comfortable for the child . Tell the child directly about your concern and why you want to have this conversation . Focus on one event that made you worried . For example : “ I want to talk to you because you told me that the banana looked like the penis of your uncle . Can you tell me more about that ?” Try to use questions that are as open as possible , in order to support the child ’ s story without influencing it . Invite the child to talk about specific situations . Explore details as they come up .