45
• Shame and feelings of guilt .
• Since children depend on adults for their security and basic needs , it feels dangerous to believe that adults will harm them ; it is easier and safer to think that bad things are their own fault .
• A tendency to be re-victimised .
• Some children who have been abused seem to lose their alarm signals ; they do not seem to be able to distinguish what is safe from what is dangerous . Perpetrators also find it easy to identify children who will freeze ( rather than resist ) when they are assaulted .
• Self-destructive behaviour .
• We think self- destructiveness is a fight response that turns inwards , instead of being directed at perpetrators . It can also be a way to numb oneself ; the child chooses physical rather than psychological pain .
• Sexualised behaviour .
• A child always wants to make sense of experiences . A child that does to others what has been done to it is searching for meaning . ( Is this what might have happened to Sam ?)
• For some children , the abusive relationship has taught them that they acquire value by offering sexual services . When they reproduce this behaviour to please others , they expose themselves to new violations . “ The child asked for love but was met with sexuality . Now it offers sexuality in the hope that this will give him / her love ” ( Tillman Furniss ).
• A child who is traumatised by sexual abuse sometimes dissociates ( forgets , feels numb ), has blurred memories ( like Rama ), or exhibits undiscriminating closeness .
KEY TO KNOW
Sexual abuse is invasive : it involves lack of respect ; but it is also about not being protected . “ Nobody saw , nobody intervened , nobody protected me .” The failure to protect causes the child to distrust others and undermines the child ’ s basic trust in the world . One effect may be to create a discontinuity in the child ’ s relational perception – in how the child appears to itself and how the child feels it is perceived by others .
The power balance in the adult ’ s favour is not only physical . Perpetrators also have the power to determine and define what has happened . “ This is normal ”, “ This happens in every family ”, “ This is because you did something wrong ”. The perpetrator ’ s ( abuse of adult ) authority fuels the child ’ s self-hate .
Threats and fear of punishment usually accompany sexual abuse . As a result , the child is constantly anxious that he or she will be punished , by the perpetrator , or by other adults who realise what has happened , or both . The child is also afraid of being judged by family members or other adults .
Summary
Children who have been traumatised by sexual abuse may display disturbing behaviour . They may display sexualised behaviour ; self-harm ( cut themselves ); dissociate ( forget , be numb ); have blurred memories ; or exhibit undiscriminating closeness .