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THE GOOD HELPER
HELPER ADVICE
Advice to helper
When working with families of an abused child , remember that parents have many reactions , and sometimes mother and father differ in their reactions . The most common reactions are :
• Shock , denial and shame . They also react with guilt and blame . They can feel that they failed as a mother or father , not protecting their child or blaming the child . Anger and grief are also common . Research has consistently shown that supportive and empowered caregivers play a major role in lessening the negative impacts of trauma on children and in promoting healing and recovery . We should assist the parents and not blaming them for their first reactions .
2.7 Summary of advice to helpers
Below are some of the basic principles described in this manual . It can be helpful to keep them in mind when working with children who have been abused sexually .
• Sexual violence is a human rights violation and must be understood in those terms .
• Traumatic events cause grief and pain , and often generate overwhelming trauma memories that children who have been abused are not able to control .
• Intrusive memories influence both the present and the future .
• Reactions in connection with traumatic events should be understood as survival mechanisms .
• Trauma reactions can be identified and addressed .
• Children are not responsible for the abuse they experience . It is the adults that have responsibility to care for and protect children .
• Recognise the value of your knowledge and expertise when you work with survivors .
Some steps are especially important when approaching a child who has been traumatised by sexual abuse or violence .
• Act in a way that reassures the child that you are there together with him or her .
• Never be intrusive ; respect the child ’ s comfort zone and keep an appropriate distance .
• Always make sure that the child continues to accept your presence .
• Communicate your understanding of the child ’ s situation and experience . Where you can , carefully explain the possible reasons for the child ’ s reactions .
• Ask if the child is willing to accept help and say that it is the child ’ s choice to talk or not .
• Explain clearly what your responsibilities as a helper are , and that , while you will respect the child ’ s privacy as far as possible , you have a duty to report any cruelty to or abuse of children .
• Explain clearly that the child is not responsible for what happened to it , and that adults are responsible for the care and protection of children .
• Provide specific and practical forms of help , if you can .
• Before the child tells you what happened , make sure you can be present to follow up afterwards .
• Make sure the child receives any health care it needs .
• Help the child to breathe calmly ; help the child to do exercises from the manual .
• Take into account the child ’ s age and emotional maturity .
• Take care of yourself as a helper and make use of the skills you have learned .