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THE GOOD HELPER
2.3 Basic helping skills as a good helper
Aim . To encourage helpers to adopt and practise the qualities and psychological skills below , and thereby promote a healthy relationship with the child they assist .
We are using the WHO guidelines to focus on the basic helping skills :
• Confidentiality . The children you help need to know that they can speak to you openly about personal things , and that the information they give you will remain confidential or private . At the same time , you need to make clear the legal boundaries of this confidentiality . For example , depending on the laws of the country and the protection and social services in place , you may have a duty to divulge information given to you confidentially if a child appears likely to end its life or harm others . You may also have a duty to divulge information that a child has told you in confidence if not doing so will put that child at risk . Information must be kept safe . You must know how to deal with information you receive when you speak to colleagues and supervisors ; and how to protect information about other people who have not consented to its communication .
• Listen attentively . Good communication is an important tool . Children and others who have experienced maltreatment or been through a crisis may be shy , upset , anxious , or confused ; or they may feel guilt , shame or a range of other emotions . Be calm and show understanding : this helps people in distress to feel safer , understood , respected and cared for appropriately . Children who have been through distressing experiences may want to tell you their stories . They are likely to feel supported if an adult listens to them . However , it is important not to pressure a child to tell you what has happened to it . You may need to practise not talking too much ; train yourself to allow silence . Be aware that many children need time and support to talk about sensitive and difficult experiences . And that young children may lack language to describe their feelings or what has happened to them .
• Hone your non-verbal skills . Be aware of both your words and body language , including facial expressions , eye contact , gestures , and how you sit or stand in relation to the child . Speak and behave in ways that take into account the child ’ s age , culture , gender , social customs , and religion .
• Regulate your concern . Try to understand the child ’ s experiences and feelings , but do not claim you know exactly how those experiences felt . Do not get too involved in the child ’ s feelings . Do not confuse them with your own .
• Praise openness . Very often an abused child has been ordered by the perpetrator not to speak about what has happened . To speak , a child must deal with many feelings : fear of punishment by the perpetrator ; possible feelings of betrayal ; shame and guilt ; fear the helper may refuse to listen , or may disbelieve , or may condemn what the child says . If a child starts to talk , therefore , be patient , listen attentively , and recognise and praise the child ’ s courage in speaking .
• Validate . The child needs a witness to make its experience feel real . Your validation is very important . The child needs to hear : “ Yes , this happened to you ”.
• Put aside your personal values . If you have strong convictions ( that every perpetrator must go to jail , that mothers should put their children first , that children should avoid certain risks ,