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Time passed and Shabana made no new friends , distrusted people , and feared they would molest her . She felt that someone who hugged or touched her must be bad . She did not let her friends hug her , so they doubted her affection for them . When she saw two girls talking together , she assumed they were having a “ dirty relationship ” ( her words ).
When Shabana went to university , her isolation continued .
Shabana blamed her sister for these problems . At university she liked a boy , but when he wanted to kiss her , she withdrew . She continued to think this way for over twenty years . She had more than twenty relationships , all short for the same reason , and came to believe she was incapable of remaining close to someone . In the end , she went for counselling . When she started therapy she understood the issues and was finally able to forgive her sister and end all the blame and recrimination . Shabana still struggles with intimacy , but she has good friends , respects herself , and has worked out a philosophy for her life . Her therapist taught her that , although our past may be dark , we decide how we respond and deal with it . The happier we are , the more we attract happy people towards us .
The story of Malebo , nine years old , South Africa
Malebo
The story shows :
• Malebo lives with her extended family .
• Malebo is abused by her father .
• Her mental and emotional needs are not met .
Malebo was referred to Ububele Centre by her mother ’ s employer . At the time of referral , mother worked as a domestic worker in a big city and Malebo was nine years old .
Malebo ’ s family lived in a neighbouring country . Malebo ’ s mother had moved to South Africa to find work , leaving her daughter at home with the extended family . They were very poor . Though most of Malebo ’ s physical needs were met , her psychological and emotional needs were not .
On one of her annual visits , Malebo ’ s mother found a foul a discharge in Malebo ’ s underwear . When she asked Malebo about it , Malebo said that her maternal uncle had been raping her . She was not able to say when the assaults started ; they had been going on for more than 3 years . Malebo also reported that was she was living in cruel conditions and was forced to do chores that were too heavy for someone her age .
Malebo ’ s mother was distraught and angry . Medical examinations confirmed the rapes . The mother confronted her brother and took Malebo back to South Africa with her .
At the Ububele Centre ’ s initial meeting with the mother , she was extremely tearful , overcome by guilt and full of anger . She blamed herself for putting her daughter at risk and wished she had kept Malebo with her . After this meeting , it was decided that Malebo would have therapy once a week to help her to process what had happened to her .
APPENDIX
At the beginning of treatment , Malebo was very anxious . She struggled to make eye contact with the therapist and barely said a word . When she did speak , she whispered . She seemed to be very anxious when she was alone with the therapist , who assumed that Molebo was afraid that her