Hello Monaco #10 Winter 2020–2021 | Page 131

POOR RICH KIDS
of what is love , friendship or mutual help , they only know how to take . And they take advantage of their parents in the same way .
According to US research , only 13 % of pre-adolescents from prosperous families feel close to their parents , classing their relationship as « perfect ». Another 27 % consider them « ok ». The remaining 60 % of 11 – 12 year-olds complain about feeling disconnected . Further studies show that these boys and girls are more prone to depression , anxiety , juvenile delinquency and drug use .
In a purely material world , emotions are devalued . Children feel neglected and unnecessary and reciprocate by rejecting their parents . By the time they are adolescents , no rules will be tolerated . They are ready to challenge and confront grown-ups at any moment or at the least provocation . Rushing to introduce restrictions , parents then get threatened , blackmailed and disheartened . The « radiant future » they ’ ve endlessly worked on is « now ». And it ’ s not the gilded paradise they expected .
Kids are inconsiderate , cold and calculating , and that makes us sad . They are just « paying us back » in the same currency , however , — money , gifts and hired services ... Every investment was placed in them , except for the most important : warmth , sympathy , care and intimacy . It is our lot as parents to feel bitter , resentful and disappointed now .
WHAT CAN YOU DO ?
Being well-fed , well-groomed and « loaded with money » is not enough . From his or her very birth , a child is woven into a world of human relations . They have certain psychological needs , and must be welcomed and loved . Our mission is reconnecting emotionally , having a genuine , sincere relationship rather than a solely materialistic and financial approach . We ought to meet their real needs , learn to express our parental love through other means than gifts .
We do live in a material world . There is nothing wrong with buying new and beautiful things for your little one . But it has to be a gift with a thought . Not just expensively « buying them off » but an emotional memory .
Psychology operates with a concept of « anchor » — events , objects or words bringing certain emotions or states of mind . We all have these kinds of « anchors ». A family holiday at the seaside , a shell bought at a local market . Back home , it brings happy memories of sunny days . The shell costs nothing , but it is as dear to a child ’ s heart as a family memory .
Being well-fed , wellgroomed and « loaded with money » is not enough . From their very birth , children are woven into a world of human relations .
At times , we would all like to buy our children something that we lacked in our own childhood . There once was a boy who lived poorly , raised by a single mother . His classmate owned a toy railroad he ’ d always go to have a « peep » at . It was his childhood dream , a symbol of happiness . He dreamed that one day he ’ d earn lots of money and buy himself one . Eventually , he became a wealthy and successful man . He started buying various bits of toy railroad ( trains , bridges , traffic lights ) for his then 1-year-old son .
This technology was too complicated for the little one . The man would always assemble it by himself and tell his son off : « Don ’ t touch ! Don ’ t break it !»
The railroad collection eventually took up a whole room . The child was not allowed to go there on his own , and he could rarely play with it . He was therefore bored and the dad was genuinely offended by him not appreciating such a wonderful toy .
It is true that he could have approached it differently , finding common ground with his son . He could have told him how he had dreamed of those wagons as a child . They could have bought more trains together . This childhood memory could have brought them really close .
Giving your child a gift to distract him from a sad experience is another bad idea .
A ten-year-old girl lost her beloved dog . Without even sharing her grief , her father rushed to buy her expensive earrings that she ’ d been looking at before . Enjoy !
It is also important to have a common family strategy as to gift-giving . What to give , on what occasion . No flooding your child with unnecessary things , but choosing them thoughtfully with demonstrated affection above all . He would then remember this person and event , making it an emotional « anchor ».
No toys and gadgets can replace parental love . It doesn ’ t help solely working for our childrens ’ comfortable future . It is the present moment that matters . Reconnecting emotionally is therefore far more important than money . It is all about learning to give them our time , affection and energy .
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Hello Monaco Winter 2020 – 2021 / 129 www . hellomonaco . com