After all , your partner is the most important person in your social world . Shouldn ’ t you base your behaviour on what you think will please them ?
As Price and her fellow authors recommend , you don ’ t have to stop wanting your partner to approve of what you do . You just need to do so “ from a place of comfort with the self , rather than trying to extract validation from the other through an externalised self-perception ”.
This idea of a “ place of comfort ” means that you can feel secure in your own mind about who you are and what you value . You don ’ t need to have every move you make dependent on whether your partner gives you an up or down vote .
Challenging the belief that you need your partner ’ s approval is a process that you can extend to your relationships with others . When you stop and think about it , do you feel afraid to express yourself with others in your life whose opinions you value ? Doesn ’ t this weigh you down emotionally and make it difficult to be close to them as well ?
To sum up , a strong internal sense of identity can be the best way both to avoid constantly seeking approval and to allow yourself to form a close and resilient bond with your partner . Feeling fulfilled in a relationship can come from many sources , and believing in yourself can be one of the most important .
Susan Krauss Whitbourne , Ph . D ., is a Professor Emerita of Psychological and Brain Sciences at the University of Massachusetts Amherst . Her latest book is The Search for Fulfillment . Online : University of Massachusetts Profile ,
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