that . Trying to control your partner will only damage your relationship ! Certainly , you need to speak up and address concerns , but use “ I ” statements that take responsibility . Don ’ t try to transfer blame to your partner for your feelings .
Let go of the effort to pretend , deny , or rail against reality . Instead , acknowledge the discomfort of what is occurring . Quietly sit with sorrow . Acknowledge the struggle and name your emotion .
This process increases your capacity to feel connection , appreciation , and love . During sex , notice what is pleasurable and what isn ’ t . Speak up and tell your partner how you appreciate their effort and love . Find a relaxed time to discuss concerns and strategies to meet each other ’ s needs .
This type of acceptance reduces anxiety and allows you to see things for what they are . It is a bit radical to not make excuses or create unrealistic fantasies but doing so helps you to be more intentional about your thoughts , words , and actions , and that will improve any situation .
Chelom E . Leavitt , J . D ./ Ph . D .,
is an assistant professor in the School of Family Life at Brigham Young University .
Online : Chelom E . Leavitt , Facebook , Instagram , Twitter