Use your thoughts and fantasies of leaving as red flags that tell you there are problems you need to address now .
Decide what skills and support you need to act differently .
Use your thoughts and fantasies of leaving as red flags that tell you there are problems you need to address now .
You only reach your bottom line because you ’ ve been sinking for a while . To avoid reaching that point , you need to learn to address problems early , rather than sweep them under the rug , hoping they will magically get better .
Decide what skills and support you need to act differently .
Breaking patterns isn ’ t about stopping them but substituting old behaviours with new ones . For example , you may need to learn to be assertive rather than angry or to negotiate win- win compromises . Look back and see where you get stuck in resolving an issue , and then look for skills and support through counselling and books that can help you move forward .
While cutting and running is probably a more common pat‐ tern , some do the opposite — get stuck and stay too long — be‐ cause they are afraid to leave the familiar no matter how difficult it is , feel overwhelmed , or blame themselves for the problem . If this is you , your challenge is the same — to find the support and learn the skills you need . Contacting community resources — shelters , mental health centers , as well as reach‐ ing out to family and friends — may be a good starting point .
The goal isn ’ t to swing to the opposite pole : To learn to stay regardless of your situation or learn to leave rather than stay put . Rather , the goal is to create more options in your life and have ways of handling problems that are less myopic , impulsive , unconscious , and more intentional , deliberate , and flexible .
Robert Taibbi , L . C . S . W .,
is the author of 13 books , including Boot Camp Therapy : Action-Oriented Brief Approaches to Anxiety , Anger &
Depression ; Clinical Social Work Supervision : Process & Practice ; Doing Couples Therapy :