Cutting and Running From Relationships Comes With a Cost
What makes you leave a relationship ? Is it time to adjust your bottom lines ?
We all have our own bottom lines tied to old emotional wounds . When triggered , we may cope by leaving . Often , this pattern is repeated over and over , causing us to miss out on positive opportunities . To break this pattern , we need to put the past to rest and learn new skills to solve problems differently . What would cause you to leave your job or an intimate rela‐ tionship ? People often talk about quitting a job for more mon‐ ey or because they ’ re tired of the long commute . Or they leave relationships because there is too much arguing , not enough affection , and battles over money or kids . But while the content of our problems — the arguments , the commute — seems to be what ignites the desire to leave , the real drivers are the underlying emotions that these problems stir . We reached our bottom line , the emotional state that triggers the need to quit or flee , a pattern rooted in the past : When I feel X , I ’ m done .
The most common emotional drivers are feeling unappreciated , trapped or micromanaged , criticised or dismissed , or neglected . The fed-up feeling or desire to leave is usually linked to old wounds from childhood or hurtful adult relationships .
When you get triggered in the present — feel continually micro-managed on the job or dismissed by your partner — you do what you ’ ve learned to do . The thoughts and feelings ramp up , but whether you physically leave or not depends — on whether you can afford to go or if it is safe to go , whether it violates your vows or religious beliefs , whether there are children involved , whether the urge is strong enough , driven perhaps by a midlife crisis and the powerful sense that time is running out . And if you don ’ t leave for whatever reason , you may emotionally and mentally leave instead .