1 . Creating Distance .
2 . Making Her Choose .
3 . Undermining Her Parenting .
4 . Threatening the Children .
emotionally or physically injure the child while assaulting the mother , or even obligate the child to hurt his or her mother . Below are some of the other ways a controlling partner might make the job of mothering so much harder .
1 . Creating Distance .
Connecting with their child can make many women feel stronger . If the mother ' s partner is con‐ trolling , he will drive a wedge between the mother and her children . He might obligate the mother to work extra hours so she has less time with her children . He might try to persuade the mother that her attachment to her chil‐ dren is unhealthy or unnatural .
2 . Making Her Choose .
A controlling man often forces his partner to choose between siding with her child and sid‐ ing with him , or between spending time with her child and spending time with him . He might deliberately schedule “ couple time ” for moments when he knows she wants to be with her child . Women sometimes retreat under all this pressure and their relationships with their children deteriorate .
3 . Undermining Her Parenting .
Controlling men undermine women ’ s parenting by finding ways to become the only authority in the house and by encouraging children to disrespect their mother . They may do this subtly by breaking the mother ’ s rules . Or they may do this overtly by calling her names , criticizing her , or physically abusing her in front of the child . Sometimes controlling men will tell chil‐ dren to respect their mother , while at the same time doing whatever they can to reduce her influence in the home . Children come to see the abuser as the source of “ real ” power and their mother as weak . Children then cease to follow the mother ’ s instructions and seem out of control , making her feel less and less capable .
4 . Threatening the Children .
An abuser often controls a woman by threatening her children ’ s wellbeing . The father or father figure may refuse to spend money on a child ’ s medical treatment , clothing , or other expenses , or make the child ’ s mother do specific things if she wishes to support these necessities . He may threaten to hurt the children , take the children and disappear , or report the mother to child